Build'em Up With Wornout Tools
by winter156
Summary: A mother will stop at nothing when it comes to her child


Disclaimer: None of the characters belong to me

A/N: I wrote this mostly to get it out of my head. They are little scenarios that happened in my head throughout ME2 and ME3 regarding Hannah Shepard and how she reacted to certain events in the games.

* * *

**Build'em Up With Worn-out Tools**

Captain Hannah Shepard exited the conference room seething. She turned a fierce glare to the two men seated outside waiting for her. Standing, Anderson and Hackett cringed inwardly at the fire burning in the Captain's eyes. Anderson cleared his throat and opened his mouth to say something to calm the woman down. A raised hand stopped any words that he was about to speak. "Not. A. Word," Hannah hissed, her voice shaking with the effort to maintain civility and decorum with her superior officers. She walked away before her tenuous control slipped.

The men watched everyone give the Captain wide berth as she cut a straight line to the elevators. The fire in her eyes and her brisk pace kept any questions from her fellow officers at bay. Captain Hannah Shepard was no one to trifle with on a good day; today, however, everyone bowed their head around her and quickly escaped her presence.

Her irritability visibly increased the longer she waited for the elevator to arrive. "Off," she barked stepping into the elevator that was quickly and quietly vacated of other people. She smashed the button for the floor where her quarters were located.

Holding the ire bubbling up inside until she was in private, Hannah closed her eyes and tried to breathe slow, even breaths. Teeth clenched, jaw muscles ticking in strain, she opened her eyes to the letter in her hand. Her fingers clutched it in a death grip. The letter, of course, was completely perfunctory. The Alliance gave out paper letters of notification only as a tradition to an archaic system of communication.

The meeting with the Alliance brass had informed her of everything the letter contained. Her fingers tightened around the letter.

The short trip to her room felt like an eternity. She wanted to scream.

Entering her quarters, the Captain headed directly to where she kept her whiskey. Hand trembling as she raised the drink to her lips, Hannah slammed the alcohol back, the liquid burning down her throat and settling heavily in her stomach. Her grip tightened on the tumbler (the force of her grip cracking the glass) before her anger exploded and she threw it across the room. She watched with satisfaction as the glass shattered against the wall, exploding into a thousand pieces and settling on the floor in a shower of refracted light.

Breathing through her nose and exhaling slowly through her mouth, Hannah tried to calm the fire still burning inside of her. Releasing the death grip she had on the letter, she unfolded it and stared down at the official, Alliance stamped, statement and orders the brass had given her. She ground her teeth in irritation as she reread the letter.

Traitor they called her daughter. They said she had abandoned the Alliance. She was now working for a rogue faction that had began as an Alliance black ops. They said she had betrayed her oath and her people. They said she was an outlaw. They had branded her: Commander Shepard- Traitor working for Cerberus.

Hannah crumpled the paper in her hand. Her eyes burned with tears of rage. _How could they?_ Her mind screamed as she stared at the destroyed parchment in her fist. _After everything she did for them?_ She wiped angrily at a lone tear that had escaped her eyelid. _My baby girl is not a traitor! How dare they call her that?_

Her standing orders were explicit and clear: no communication or contact whatsoever with former Commander Shepard. And as a seal to her silence, to reward her blind obedience of orders, they were offering her a promotion. Rear Admiral for her silence and her distance.

The Captain scoffed, further crushing the official paper in her hand. She would never accept that promotion. She would never trade her daughter for a step up the ladder. Hannah threw the wadded paper into the nearest incinerator.

Pulling an old, yellowed, tattered letter from the inside of her dress blue jacket, Hannah stared at the words printed on it. Then, they had said Commander Shepard's loss of life was a debilitating blow to the Alliance but an honorable sacrifice. Then, they had said she would always be remembered as the Savior of the Citadel. Then, they had called her a hero.

A low growl escaped the Captain's throat, "Bastards. How quickly you forget."

Moving slowly to her desk, Hannah sat heavily at her console; she tried not to let frustration overwhelm her, knowing her lines of communication were already being monitored. She quickly drafted a message requesting a leave of absence. Then, she contemplated what to say to her daughter, and how to word it so that it would get through to her.

_From: Mom_

_So I have to find out my child is alive third-hand from the Alliance brass? Where the hell have you been?_

_I figure whatever you're doing is classified, likely part of your Spectre Operations. Just stay safe out there, and keep doing your mom proud. And sneak something through a secure channel next time._

_Love,_

_Your mother, Captain Hannah_

* * *

Stationed in the ass end of the Terminus system, hung out to dry essentially, Captain Shepard was not happy as she read the message denying her, yet again, a request for a leave of absence. Sitting back in her chair, letting her head fall back, she stared sightlessly at the metal ceiling of her cabin.

"If galactic war wasn't at our doorstep," Hannah groused to herself, hand rubbing her face, "I'd tell the Alliance to kiss my ass."

Righting herself, the Captain read through her other messages. Though stuck in a post she did not much appreciate, she knew she was doing good work. The Collector attacks were leaving a lot of colonies stranded and vulnerable to the pirateering this area of the galaxy was infamous for. She was turning the tide back to the colonists' favor and ultimately mitigating the situation from deteriorating further.

And, from the reports and what information she could gather, the Terminus system was the area her daughter was operating in. She could only hope they would run into each other by some happy coincidence.

Stopping at a message from an unknown sender, Hannah's heart skipped a beat. She opened the message with baited breath. The relief that coursed through her had the air rushing out of her lungs on a long breath. _She's really alive._

_From: Sender Unknown_

_Mom,_

_I'm not sure what you've heard or what you think. And honestly, I don't know what to think about this situation, either. I just know I can't sit back while human colonies disappear and everyone ignores it. I need you to know that I am not working for Cerberus. But, I am using their resources to stop the Collectors. _

_There is something bigger going on here. I'm not exactly sure how, but I know this has to do with the Reapers. I will find out how they are involved and then I'll cut ties with this organization._

_I hope to see you soon. I love you._

_Commander Shepard_

_PS-I'm sorry I cost you that promotion. I don't know of anyone who deserves it more._

* * *

Aria T'Loak looked her up and down before quickly dismissing her as someone of no interest to her. Hannah saw the look. It ignited an immediate and intense fire inside her chest.

Something snapped inside the Captain. The endless searching. The dead ends. The bureaucracy. The political evasion. The tight lipped people who would only talk if it benefited them. Constantly being one step behind because nobody would help her, and in fact, people actively worked to keep her a step behind. It all coalesced at that moment. Her hand moved to unholster her gun before she even realized what she was doing. Mind quickly acquiescing to her body's decision, the Captain pulled her gun and incapacitated the guards on Aria's sides. The two Marines she brought along did not hesitate to act. They pulled their assault rifles and covered the Captain's flank, standing between her and a bullet to the back.

The barrel of her gun directly between blue eyes, Hannah's eyes bored into the asari's, "Got your attention now?"

Aria frowned, her nostrils flaring in anger as she defiantly stared the Captain down. She was at a current disadvantage, but this was her territory. She would not be bested here.

Hannah cocked her head to the side, her voice tight with reigned anger, "I hear there's one rule on Omega," the Captain's eyes held murder, "Well, let me give you some advice so that you live longer: don't fuck with a Shepard." She pressed the barrel of the gun just a little more firmly into Aria's forehead. The asari's blue eyes flashed dangerously at the threat. "Now," Hannah noted the guards surrounding them, "where is my daughter?"

"What makes you think you're walking out of here alive to use the information?" Aria asked her voice trembling with her own reigned anger.

"Ms. T'Loak," Hannah said condescendingly, "I have several Alliance dreadnoughts with this rock in sight of their very powerful guns. I will not hesitate to blow this place out of the sky. I am not here to barter or broker an agreement of any kind. Give me the information I'm after and you can keep your rock."

* * *

Captain Shepard approached the bar, sitting on the stool furthest from other patrons. She had given her crew shore leave while she tried to find the elusive intel broker who she knew had information on her daughter.

"So, Cap," the asari bartender gracefully moved to where she sat, "what are you having?"

Hannah studied the asari for a second. The fact that she knew Alliance military ranks on sight intrigued the Captain's curiosity. "Something strong," she replied, eyes continuing to size up the woman, "and preferably non-lethal."

"You know," the asari stated conversationally as she poured the human her drink, "you look an awful lot like a soldier that passed through here some time ago." Hannah eyed the drink a moment before picking it up and draining the shot in one swallow. She slammed the glass down, moving it back to the bartender, indicating she wanted a refill. Eyeing the silent (almost brooding) soldier, the asari poured another shot, "Same sunny disposition, too."

"What a small universe," Hannah said, digesting the information that her daughter had already passed through this planet. She should have known.

The asari made a noncommittal noise leaning forward and resting her arms on the bar as Hannah nursed her second shot. "She took care of a vermin problem for me," she turned her head so that she was half facing the human, "Nice kid. Looked Alliance by the N7 armor she wore, but I dunno. She seemed mixed up with the wrong people."

Hannah's eyes narrowed and her shoulders tensed. "What is an asari Matriarch doing bartending on Illium?" The Captain asked tersely, finally having figured out what was so different about this asari than the ones she was accustomed to meeting.

"You even ask the same questions," the asari rolled her eyes as she straightened back up. "Aethyta, by the way. None of that Matriarch crap," a blue hand waved away the title like it left a bad odor.

"Shepard," Hannah replied almost automatically, unsure why she was trusting this stranger, "Captain Shepard." She finished her drink, standing.

"Small universe," Aethyta snorted.

Hannah paused as she made her way out of the bar, turning she addressed the asari once more, "Perhaps you could point me in the right direction."

"Follow the trail of dead bodies," Aethyta advised already distant from the conversation as she moved to diffuse a fight between two overly drunk turians.

* * *

Hannah leant against the vacated desk of what she assumed was a secretary's desk. It was late, but she waited anyway. She knew Liara would need to head home sometime. She needed to speak to the asari before the night was out.

She folded her arms over her chest, head lowered as she settled in for a long wait. She noted the wrinkles creased into her dress blues. The pistol at her side weighed heavily. She hated that she had to carry it, but Illium was no place to walk around unarmed. Especially when seeking information on a recently resurrected Spectre from a very dangerous information broker.

The minutes blurred together and the Captain's mind wandered.

_Rain pelted down. Hannah looked up at the gray sky, letting the falling water wash away the traces of her tears. It was fitting really, the Earth itself was mourning the loss of one of her children._

_Hannah looked around at the diversity standing at the site of where her daughter would symbolically be buried. Despite the aching heaviness in her heart, she could not help the swell of pride that her daughter had gathered and maintained such a diverse group of friends, loyal despite any misgivings about traveling to Earth as a final farewell._

_The Captain moved to stand next to a young asari's side. Without having ever met her personally before, Hannah knew that the asari was Liara, whom her daughter had spoken so highly about. She had been happy that her child had finally found love._

_Her heart broke at the look of complete loss on the beautiful blue face. Without thinking, Hannah slipped her hand into a cold, blue one. Surprised at the contact, Liara looked up into a pair of eyes that reminded her so much of Shepard's._

"_Hannah Shepard," the Captain said softly, not letting go of the hand gripping her own._

"_Liara T'Soni," the asari replied in kind, gripping the human's hand like a lifeline._

If the quiet slick of the door opening had not alerted Hannah to the young maiden's presence, the quiet gasp and whispered _Shepard_ certainly did.

"Not the Shepard you would've liked, I'm sure," Hannah said gently, unable to find any ire toward the young asari at all the information she had withheld from her.

* * *

"Captain Shepard," the deep male voice pulled Hannah from her single minded focus, "aren't you supposed to be with the Fifth Fleet?"

"Had to take a necessary detour, sir," Hannah replied as the Admiral fell into step with her.

"Do you have permission to be here, Captain?" he probed.

"I was unaware that emergency docking needed permission, sir," Hannah replied shortly, but continued her explanation, "The Orizaba took some damage from batarian pirates, and it needed maintenance before we joined the Fifth Fleet."

"And the fact that Shepard is being held here is not a key factor in the emergency maintenance the Orizaba needs?" The Admiral wondered out loud.

"A happy coincidence, sir," Hannah sighed as she stopped and faced the man. "Congratulations on the promotion, by the way." She looked at his wan cheeks and the dark circles under his eyes and softened slightly. "Though, it may be a demotion from Councilor."

"No," Anderson smiled thinly, "I hated the politics. The back and forth with no real action."

"We agree on that," Hannah nodded, "so let's cut the bullshit, David. I need to see my daughter."

"You could be court marshaled for defying a direct order," he unnecessarily warned.

"Only if I get caught, Admiral," her statement making it clear that he was likely the only one who could bring her up on such charges.

He shook his head at her, his responsibility warring with his desire to let his friend see her only child.

Hannah reached out and desperately gripped his arm, some of her desperation seeping into her tone, "I need to see her, David. I haven't seen her in almost three years and the last time I saw her was when we lowered an empty casket into the ground." Her voice wavered. "I've spent almost a whole year trying to find her, only to be one step behind the entire time. I have to see her," her voice lowered to a whisper, "to know that she's really not dead."

The Admiral sighed, "One hour, Hannah. That's all I can give you."

The Captain smiled widely, inordinately pleased at finally being allowed to see her daughter. "Thank you, David," she muttered sincerely, falling into step beside him as he led them to where Shepard was held.

"Lieutenant Vega," Anderson addressed the tank of a man guarding Shepard's door, "you are need elsewhere for one hour."

Vega looked from the Admiral to the Captain, nodding his head in understanding, "Yes, sir."

Hannah did not hesitate to enter the room.

Anderson saw Shepard rise from the bed she was lying on, surprise showing on her face as she looked at Hannah, "Mom?"

"Sweetheart," there were tears in Hannah's voice as she closed the distance between them and hugged her daughter tightly.

Anderson turned to stand watch, the door closing silently behind him.

* * *

"She has your eyes," Hackett said quietly, blue eyes looking deeply into Hannah's.

Hannah smiled softly at him, even after all these years, her heart refused to let what she felt for him die. "Well, she has your stubbornness," she lobbed back playfully.

"I think she got some of that from you," his eyes twinkled, a rare smile twitching his lips upward. His heart warming in his chest at the rare moment he was sharing with the only woman who had ever meant anything to him.

Hannah broke their eye contact, looking back out at the dark abyss of space. Her eyes roamed over the gigantic weapon that no one was sure how to operate, or even if it worked at all. "The odds of her surviving," Hannah whispered her worst fear, "are marginal, at best."

Hackett breathed out a heavy sigh, "She has beaten impossible odds before. And, she is the last, best hope for the galaxy. If anyone can do this, she can."

Hannah let out a mirthless laugh, "She is a Shepard." She cut her eyes to the man standing next to her. "And a Hackett," she whispered very softly.

The Admiral swallowed the unexpected lump that formed in his throat at the soft words. Lightly clearing his throat, he looked out to the expanse of space, "Should I tell her?"

Hannah was quiet for a long moment before releasing a quiet sigh, "No." Hackett swallowed the wave of disappointment that slammed into him at the simple word. He had not expected a different answer, but it still hurt (even though he knew he had no right to be hurt). Sympathetic eyes landed on his trying to assuage some of the hurt. He looked away.

"It's too late for that," Hannah explained, her voice full of regret, "She would lose the respect she holds for you."

"But," Hackett tried to reason, "she must suspect. She's very astute."

Hannah nodded her agreement. "But it's not the same, Steven," she continued, "to think you know something and to _actually_ know something." She smiled ruefully at him. "She wouldn't understand. She would just be the little girl who grew up without a father. And she would think you a coward for never having said anything."

Seeing the truth injure the usually untouchable man, Hannah tried to explain how her daughter would react so that he understood why it was a bad idea to reveal who he was. "She may be enamored with the idea of the legendary Admiral, who rose from enlisted man to supreme commander of the Alliance fleets, being her father," she said softly but clearly, "Like any fatherless child dreams their dad is superman. But, the reality that you've been around her most of her life and have never uttered a word will break her. Perhaps not permanently, but it would make her falter now when we need her the most. When the whole galaxy needs her the most." Hannah sighed meeting pained blue eyes, "You should never forget that the first human Spectre, the Savior of the Citatdel, and the Champion of the Galaxy is, at the end of the day, just a human being. Let's not put on her more than she can bear."

Hackett nodded, resolve hardening his eyes. Quiet settled around them for a moment before curiosity got the better of him, "Dr. Liara T'Soni?"

"Is a good person," Hannah smiled her first real smile, "And, most definitely a good match for our daughter."

"She does seem," Hackett searched for the right word to describe the asari he had met briefly before all Hell broke loose on the galaxy, "formidable."

"Among other things," Hannah chuckled.

"Dr. T'Soni…Liara," Hackett asked, needing to know, "does she love her?"

"More than anything," Hannah replied, "And it is equally returned."

"Do you think…?"He did not know exactly what he was asking, but Hannah seemed to understand.

"They are much braver than we were," she smiled sadly at him, "their love will survive. And, they will never give each other up."

"Hannah," Hackett's eyes shone with untold regret; they told her that all that they had now was not worth what they had given up. His blue eyes broke her heart all over again. Hannah stepped closer to him raising her hand to trace the prominent scar along his face. He leaned into her touch. Allowing herself a moment of indiscretion, Hannah leant into him and kissed him.

Hackett felt tears sting his eyes at the tender touch he never thought he would feel again. Placing his hands on Hannah's waist, he deepened the kiss; savoring the lips of the woman he had never stopped loving. Reveling in a love that refused to die.

Hannah stepped back, her heart in her throat. She looked at the man who would hold her heart until her dying day, feeling a part of herself die a little bit more at never having completely had him. Pulling back another step, Hannah swallowed hard and bottled up all the emotion that she had let out. She could see Hackett doing the same thing.

"Let's go end this war, Admiral," Hannah's professional persona slipped back into place as she saluted her superior officer, the roughness in her voice barely betraying any trace of emotion.

"You're my right hand in this offensive, Admiral Shepard," Hackett returned the salute, his voice uncharacteristically soft, "Give them Hell."

"Aye, aye, sir."

Two lonely figures, silhouetted against the darkness of space, turned and walked away from each other, not knowing if it was the last time they would ever meet.

* * *

Even after several days of being in the same atmosphere, the constant hum and blipping of machinery still set Hannah's nerves on edge. She looked out the window of the hospital room they had set her daughter in. She saw the ruin of a once beautiful city. Despite the destruction, the Admiral could not help but feel a sense of victory.

They would have to rebuild, of course. But, the fact they were all alive to do so was a testament to the power of their unity. They had defeated the Reapers. Hearing a faint moan, Hannah rushed to her daughter's side.

Hannah's eyes filled with tears as she looked down at the bruised and battered body of her only child. Without her they would have surely lost the war. Love and a deep pride for what her daughter had accomplished filled her.

Gently moving a lock of hair from the pale, gaunt face below her, Hannah watched as eyes (so like her own) slowly focused. The Admiral put a straw to her daughter's lips so that she could drink some of the dryness out of her throat.

Swallowing thickly, the younger Shepard let her eyes take in the machines and the room she was in. She turned her whole head (as much as she could) in a second inspection of the room. Eyes focusing on the face above her, Shepard quietly asked a question Hannah could not answer, "Where is Liara?"

Hannah's face dropped as she shook her head. Looking back up into drooping eyes, she made a promise to her child, "We will find her."

* * *

"Why aren't you in with Liara?" Hannah asked in surprise. Coming fully into the waiting room she noticed most of the Normandy's crew (both old and new) seated in the waiting room, all studiously ignoring Shepard's frantic pacing.

Looking up at her mother, Shepard smiled sheepishly, "Aaa, she said I was making her nervous."

"I can't imagine why," came the sarcastic remark in what sounded an awful lot like Aethyta's voice. The asari, however, was engrossed in the magazine on her lap and ignored twin glares pointed in her direction.

Pulling her daughter into the hallway, Hannah faced her. Tucking stray strands of hair behind Shepard's ears, she let her hands cup her child's face. "What's got you so spooked?"

"Everything," Shepard admitted, biting her lower lip, her eyes looking to her mom's hoping to find all the answers. She hastily qualified her statement, "Mom, I'm going to be responsible for this child. She's going to be completely dependent on me. What if I fail? What if I'm not ready for that much responsibility? What if I'm not a good parent?"

Hannah wanted to point out that Shepard had recently saved all advanced life in the galaxy, but she knew that was not what her daughter needed to hear. Instead, she kissed Shepard's forehead and assured her with utmost sincerity, "Sweetheart, you are going to be an amazing parent. You will not fail. You are more than ready for this." A loud cry bouncing off the hallway walls made Hannah step back from Shepard.

"Shepard!" Liara's pained, agitated voice bounced to their ears, "Get in here! NOW!"

Shepard stiffened. Hannah put a hand on the tense woman's shoulder, "I have never been more proud of you." She smiled at her nervous daughter, "You can more than handle this."

Shepard nodded, smiling gratefully at her mom, before quickly making her way to where Liara was birthing their first daughter.


End file.
